Are all compliments equal?

I was joking with someone recently that my father appreciated me, but never complimented me. Then, I mentioned it was a problem many people have, including my friend.

“I don’t. I say ‘thank you’ all the time,” my friend quickly replied.

And he does. Most of us do. But a compliment is different. “Thank you” is a bit empty. In some cases, we say those two words, but really mean, “it took forever, that wasn’t the way I would have done it, but you did finally get it done.”

Praise takes effort to exhibit appreciation of someone else’s effort. It’s about making note of something specific that improves our lives. But there’s another side of the coin. It’s one that, in my opinion is worse than no compliment at all – the tongue-in-cheek compliment.

“I can’t stand this choice, but I really like this option, so great.”

“She’s got such a pretty face… but those ears!”

“He’s fairly smart, for a (pick the religion, race, sex, sexual preference different from that of the speaker).”

“You’re not a bad writer, but I can’t stand your subject matter!”

Why do I bring it up here, on the SCWW blog? Aren’t my posts usually aimed at letting members know about the conference, grammar peeves and the financial bottom line of SCWW? Well, yes, but I write about those things because those are what I know and it’s my way of helping writers put their best feet forward. And that’s what this is about, too.

As a non-profit writing organization, SCWW was started for writers to help writers. The Board members don’t get paid and volunteer their time and efforts for the betterment of that goal. Think of it the way you would the ASPCA, the Salvation Army, AARP or even your church or other religious refuge. The people who make decisions for the organization are doing it for the benefit of the members. And it’s only as strong as its weakest member.

Genuine, heartfelt statements of appreciation concerning the organization and the opportunities it offers bolster the reputation of you as a writer and the organization within the writing community. Agents, editors, best-selling authors all have their eyes on social media (blogs, Twitter, Facebook, etc.). And, by the same token, slights about the organization, specific members of the group or guest speakers and faculty involved in SCWW events tarnishes not only the image of SCWW, but yours, too.

Want proof? Read the Twitter, blog and Facebook posts of some of the leading agents, editors and authors. I don’t think a week goes by that I don’t see a post by one some of the most prominent in the industry, many former or current SCWW faculty, concerning writers shooting themselves in the feet with trite comments. And, wonderfully, they also post when writers do some quite clever and thoughtful things, too.

I’m certainly not demanding praise for SCWW. But I do challenge us all to think before we type.

Interested in learning how to make the most out of your words and social media? Be sure to register for the 2011 conference and consider the sessions by best-selling author M.J. Rose (our keynote) and Georgia Center for the Book Director Bill Starr.

Watching your Ps and Qs -- on Twitter, Myspace, Facebook...

Recently, Janet Reid mused on her blog about just how public the Internet is. This is something I've mentioned in publicity and submission seminars. While Ms. Reid stated it much better than I can, here are a few points to ponder when evaluating your online image.

• Items posted on Myspace and Facebook might show up in Internet searches.
• Comments posted on public blogs, as well as blogs, will appear in Internet searches.
• Agents do read blogs.
• Agents not only Google prospective clients' names, but their own names. If you "go off" about an agent on your blog, they can see it. While you might not think much of the person or his/her decision, other agents do and probably won't side with you.
• While your friends might appreciate your humor and slang, agents might not. It's all about context. If every post on your blog is about how much you drank, how much you ate and how many failed relationships you've had, an agent might run before they learn there's so much more to you.

However, there's hope.

• You can set your social networking profiles to private. If you've "friended" agents and editors, there are privacy settings to filter how much of your life they can see.
• There's always the possibility you'll be able to go back to blogs and delete previous posts.
• The visibility of your blog is a great way to showcase your talent and the positive thoughts you have about your writing, your conference experiences, etc.
• There's a way to keep tabs on yourself -- visit the Google page and learn more about Google Alerts.
• Want to learn how to use the World Wide Web for good instead of embarrassment? There are sessions covering social networking at the 2009 South Carolina Writers Workshop.

One last thought, photos you and your friends post on public sites can be searched as well. So, you might want to start bargaining now to get your sister to take down that photo of you...